I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
