You're my little dorito
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
