Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
