Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
