Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
