i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
should my penis look like a turkey
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
