Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
