I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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