i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I want is dick and wine.
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