You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize