Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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