No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
