That's intense
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
