found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
