this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
