I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
