Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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