I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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