they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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