i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They took my balls.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
