We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
