I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
