We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
