I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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