I think my vagina is haunted
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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