I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
