R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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