there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
