ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
