Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
