So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
