I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
