I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
