I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
