Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
