If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
