So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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