my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
