so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize