I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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