respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
