pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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