Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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