I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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