My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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