playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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