So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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