he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
