I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
