just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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