using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
