i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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