I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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