My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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