one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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