How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
