Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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