I want you more than these girls want KFC
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
