Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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