The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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