just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
