I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Pooping to opera.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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