Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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