I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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