The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this boner is exhausting
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
