we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
