Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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