we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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