Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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