They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
