Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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