peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
