You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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