i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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