Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So apparently I’m into choking now
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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