its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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