So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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