Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
