i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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